Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette

Dan Briody of "Info World" came up with the following commandments....

1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation, such as on the bus, in a cab, on a grounded airplane, or at the dinner table, you should spare them. People around you should have the option of not listening. If they don't, you shouldn't be babbling.

2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play La Cucaracha every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that phones go off every other second? Now we have to listen to synthesized nonsense?

3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances. I'm not even sure this one needs to be said, but given the repeated violations of this heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include it.

4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But with plenty of techno-jockeys sporting pagers and phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow. Let's nip this one in the bud.

5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all seriousness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually. Put them together and we have a serious health hazard on our hands.

6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not on thy phone. This is not unlike being on the phone and carrying on another conversation with someone who is physically in your presence. No one knows if you are here or there. Very disturbing.

7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. These things have incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where I can tell if someone is calling me from a cell because of the way they are talking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help, unless the person is actually within earshot.

8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At home, give it a rest.

9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive in any way (unless it's one of those really cool new phones with the space age design), when it is used for that reason, said user can be immediately identified as a neophyte and a poseur.

10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on your belt.



At 2/20/2007, Blogger Esther said...

Thank you for posting this! I think I will have to post a link on my blog over to your blog for this list! Excellent....
And this is coming from a gal who doesn't even own a cell phone at all. I survive just fine ;o)

At 2/20/2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WORD UP! Opps Someone is calling. Can't finish this sentence.


At 2/20/2007, Blogger Chris Goeppner said...

he he! you so crazy!

At 3/13/2007, Blogger Randall said...

1. Fine. People should get to the point and be done with it. Expressing your "feelings" via cell phone is immature, so the next time you see some good looking woman blathering on and on on a cell phone, just remember she's emotionally crazy and you'll suffer if you have anything more than a one night stand with her. And, if you only want a one night stand, so are you, so you're already suffering anyway.

2. At least turn the damn volume down. Any ringtone sucks, it's the volume that sends others into a murderous rage.

3. Duh. But it helps if the MC reminds people beforehand. Some of us are slower in the memory department because, like an old PC, we have too many things running in memory.

4. Treo Good, Razor Bad?

5. Set up voice dialing if you must talk while driving.

6. Get over it, Dan. A bluetooth ear piece is for "hands free", meaning you only have to use one finger to answer the phone, not a whole hand or two to take it our of your pocket, fumble it and miss the call because Dan thinks you look like a Star Wars alien when you have it on (well, you do, but worrying about that is for the vain).

7. If you have to because of too much ambient noise, cup you hand around the mic to direct your voice into the mic.

8. Don't get too attached to anything. Life ends sooner or later. Study Philosophy (not the existential stuff, that just makes it worse. Try Integralism.).

9. See comment one about emotional immaturity.

10. If you're more comfortable with the cell phone out of your pocket when you sit down, take it out and place it on the table. Ignore Dan's advice about where you put your cell phone and just pay attention to your intentions. If you judge other people for where the put their cell phones, see comment one, again.


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